


Job 8:21

by Seasammy



Category: Warrior Nun (TV)
Genre: Camila is like the sun, F/F, Gen, Mutual Pining, Other, and I love her for it, and I'm not the only one, but then it gets soft, it starts off kinda sad, not that they realize this, side pairing avatrice, so bright but can kill you
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-18
Updated: 2020-09-17
Packaged: 2021-03-04 20:49:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 8,965
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25352725
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Seasammy/pseuds/Seasammy
Summary: Camila had never seen Lilith really smile. She takes it upon herself to change that by being the best friend she can be to Lilith. There are no ulterior motives or feeling in this involved at all and that's what Camila will tell herself until she actually believes it.
Relationships: Sister Beatrice/Ava Silva, Sister Lilith/Sister Camila
Comments: 43
Kudos: 244





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [babyhellboy](https://archiveofourown.org/users/babyhellboy/gifts).



Camila had never seen Lilith smile. At least, not fully. Sure Lilith would give a perfunctory tilt of her lips when receiving praise for her skill or admiration for her work, too tight around the edges to be genuine. When she’d mentioned it in passing to her new friends, Mary looked away and Beatrice had answered with a tight smile of her own.

“Lilith has been under a lot of pressure for... a long time now. She feels it deeply when things don’t go the way she expects.”

Mary had snorted in response, opening her mouth to deliver what probably wouldn’t have been a very kind comment, only to break off into a smile when she caught sight of Shannon striding confidently toward them; Shannon adopting a small, albeit genuine smile of her own in response.

Camila had averted her eyes from the pair as they talked, always feeling as though she were intruding some way when they talked in a non-formal setting.

“How are the improvements you made to the digital armory cataloge going?” Beatrice asked, also apparently content to leave Mary and Shannon in their own world. 

Grateful for the new topic, she began an enthusiastic explanation of how the new program she designed made it easier to keep track of the weapons. No more was said on Lilith and her seemingly elusive smile. And she gave no more thought to why it might be so important to her in the first place.

X+X+X+X+X+X+X+X+X+X+X+X+X+X+X+X+X+X+X+X+X+X+X+X+X+X

Shannon was dead. The halo was now in the possession of a stranger who apparently didn’t want to be found. And worst of all the little family she had found was starting to fracture; Camila would do everything in her power to make sure it didn’t fall apart completely.

She was a good shot and even better with technology, but she wasn’t the leader Shannon was. She couldn’t calm and inspire with words the way Beatrice did. Or even spur others into action with dry humor and a quick draw like Mary. She couldn’t... well she honestly couldn’t do most things with the ease and assuredness Lilith could. 

But she could play the piano and sing, at least passably. Her mother had always said that song was just another form of prayer and she wholeheartedly agreed. So she played Frank Ocean, Pink + White. It had been one of Shannon’s favorites.

As she turned around to ask Father Vincent to join her, she glimpsed the first real smile she had ever seen on Lilith’s fair face. It was little, almost strained, as if she were out of practice. Her heart gave an unexpected pang at the thought.

As she played the closing chords, she looked behind her at her remaining family. Mary looked at her, expression tight but eyes moist and (she thought) thankful. Beside her, Beatrice was directing a tearful grin her way. Leaning on Beatrice in a display of affection she hadn’t seen before was Lilith. Eyes down, face a closed-off mask, smile gone.

“You showed me love.” she sang, turning back to the piano. “You showed me love…” voice tapering off as she tried to blink back tears. Shannon was gone, the Halo’s location was as of yet unknown, and her friends were in pain.  _ How can I help? _ she wondered. A quiet, lonelier part of her whispered,  _ How can I make Lilith smile again? _

X+X+X+X+X+X+X+X+X+X+X+X+X+X+X+X+X+X+X+X+X+X+X+X+X+X

They’d barely made it out intact. Fighting off the possessed wasn’t easy when they were deliberately holding back.  _ It's not their fault, _ she thought as a man with hellish rage in his eyes caught her with a pole.  _ It's not their fault _ , she repeated in her head like a mantra, hoping it would stem the increasing tide of frustration and anger she felt. (It didn’t.)

Ava had let loose huge burst of energy from the Halo when she saw Beatrice being overwhelmed, giving them enough time to retreat. As they ran down an alley, they saw Adriel limping away. Even though she knew he was likely weakened from his year of imprisonment (entombment?) and would likely heal, she felt satisfaction knowing they had wounded him. 

Lilith, it seemed, did not share her satisfaction. She took a step in his direction, angry eyes oddly complimented by her new silver hair. Shoulders bunched tight around her head and clawed hands tensed at her side, as if preparing to strike. 

“Lilith don't,” Mary ordered, the command lacking her usual strength. If Lilith heard Mary she paid her no mind, slowly stalking forward. 

Without thinking, Camila darted forward, gently grasping at the back of Lilith’s robe with her right hand. “Lilith stop!”

She realized that might not have been the best idea when Lillith whirled around with a snarl, back arm slightly raised and teeth bared. Body still in battle mode, she took a stepped back, arms automatically raising in defense. Lilith’s eyes widened as she seemed to come back to herself, arms lowering and elongated nails shrinking. She looked… horrified, but at what Camila did not know.

“We need to get out of the city. We’ll be better prepared to face what’s ahead once we rest and regroup.” Mary said, addressing all of them but keeping her concerned eyes on Lilith.

She’d had to hot wire a local restaurant’s delivery van because Father  Traitor (she refused to grant him the respect of a name, even if only in her head) had taken the keys to their original transport with him. She said a prayer that God may grant ‘Pino’s Trattoria’ a sudden increase in business. 

X+X+X+X+X+X+X+X+X+X+X+X+X+X+X+X+X+X+X+X+X+X+X+X+X+X

A week later and they were holed up in a safe house near Monaco provided by Dr. Salvius before they left for this exact situation. The house had come stocked with linens, basic medical supplies, and some food. Though they would need to venture out later in the week to replenish the latter two. 

Ava and Lilith had healed fully a day after the Vatican. Beatrice and herself had sustained cuts and bruises all over, though thankfully minor for the most part. Mary had gotten the worst of it, a large gash in her side and a badly dislocated shoulder. They were able to patch her up and all she needed to do now was rest, something she didn’t seem very keen on doing. 

They’d agreed as a group to plan their next move carefully. Adriel would be severely weakened by the fight in St. Peter’s square and centuries imprisonment, he’d need time to gather his strength and strike. Time they would use to study the various texts and sources sent over by Kristian Schaefer as well as the few tomes Mary had ‘borrowed’ from the Vatican library.

She was making a list of food and supplies they would need to get when Lilith came to her. Her face was back into that careful mask but her hands were clasped together, her forefinger moving back and forth in an uncharacteristic gesture of- nervousness? 

Nevertheless, she was glad to see her. The two had barely spoken at all since leaving the city, though she’d figured Lilith had wanted some space to process things. “How are you Lilith?” she asked with a grin, honestly interested in the answer.

“Fine.” Lilith replied, though it seemed like a reflex more than an actual answer. She seemed to hesitate then, opening her mouth then closing it, before sighing in what almost sounded like annoyance and speaking, “I wanted to… apologize for what happened at St. Peter’s square, it was unbecoming and unprofessional of me and I-”

“That wasn’t your fault Lilith, none of us knew that Adriel was alive in that tomb, much less what he wanted to do!” she cut in, looking to her friend in concern.

Lilith’s brow furrowed. “I was referring to the...incident when I failed to keep myself in check and almost went after Adriel even though I knew we were retreating. You kept me from making a costly mistake and I just- I didn’t mean to snap at you.” She said the last part to the ground, almost unable to look at her.

Finally understanding, Camila put a hand on Lilith’s arm, drawing her attention back to her. Wanting to show she doesn’t blame her, she said, “It's okay Lilith, tensions were running pretty high in that moment. I know you would never hurt me.”

Lilith frowned and took a small step back, breaking their contact. “You don’t know that, I almost killed Ava before.”

Smiling gently, Camila replied, “I do know that, you’re my friend Lilith and I trust you with this life AND the next. You’re allowed to make mistakes like literally everyone else on the planet. It doesn’t make you wrong or evil it just...makes you human.”

Lilith just stared at her like she’d never seen her before. Stunned and...something else. Something gentler, fonder; something that she didn’t recognize when directed toward her. But Camila was starting to think thoughts she’d have to do penance for the longer she stared at Lilith’s surprise-parted lips, so she shook her head and got back to safer ground.

Taking a step toward Lilith and whispering conspiratorially she said, “Besides, didn’t you hear? Mary pushed Ava off a cliff. You just one-upped her, as usual.”

For a brief moment Lilith’s expression didn’t change, only to bark out a sharp laugh and shake her head. A small, (but real!) smile on her lips as she shook her head at Camila, quirking at the corner as if she were holding back a full one. “Well I couldn’t let Mary have all the fun now could I?” Still shaking her head she turned and walked from the room, pausing at the doorway to turn back to her and say, “Thank you Camila, truly.” before leaving.

Camila felt a thrill of victory run down her spine. She’d made Lilith smile, her! The high lessened somewhat when she remembered just how rare an occurrence that was. Camila may be younger and a bit more naive than the others (except maybe Ava), but she wasn’t a fool. She knew her reasons for being so invested in Lilith’s happiness went beyond just friendship. Part of her had even accepted it as fact. But she also was not fool enough to believe that anything could actually come out of her little...non-platonic admiration of Lilith. But at the same time, she refused to just sit by and watch as Lilith went through all of this in her (partially self-imposed) isolation.

It was then that Camila made a silent promise to herself, and to God, that she would be the best possible friend that she can be to Lilith. Whatever she needed, Camila would do her best to help. Nodding to herself, she returned to her list and got back to work. Her chest felt light with a new goal in mind, and if it felt light for another reason, well, that was between her and God. 


	2. Chapter 2

Camila decided to start slowly, little things that Lilith probably wouldn’t even notice. She began with taking out cool drinks to Lilith whenever she finished her morning solo training. What this training involved varied, even back at Cat’s Cradle. Sometimes it was practicing forms with various weapons, other times it was running laps that would make Usain Bolt collapse in exhaustion. Either way it made Lilith work up a sweat and was quite impressive to watch -- not that she did that… often. 

So the next morning after their little chat, she kept an eye out for Lilith's return from the run that Beatrice (who had been on last watch) said she'd gone on. As she'd volunteered for morning watch, she also decided to make breakfast for everyone. Not that canned veggies and egg substitute omelettes were really a treat, but it was one less thing her friends would have to worry about. 

After mixing the ingredients (really, does Dr. Salvius not consider spices to be a basic necessity?) she straightened her habit, wondering if she should continue wearing it. Not that she had suddenly lost her faith, but because she wondered whether it was the best idea to continue dressing in religious garb when various parties would no doubt be on the lookout for five nuns. Even Beatrice had walked back to her and Ava's shared room with her own habit in hand, having evidently taken it off sometime during her shift. 

At the reminder of her friend and Ava sharing a room, she smiled. The safe house had three bedrooms. Ava and Beatrice shared the one with a queen sized bed while herself and Mary shared the one with two twins (the better for her to keep an eye on Mary's injuries, much to the American girl’s chagrin). Lilith had the last room with a full sized bed to herself, which she honestly seemed quite pleased about. Almost as pleased as Ava and Beatrice when they heard the sleeping arrangements. She shook her head fondly, while she didn't know Ava very well yet, she did seem to be a genuinely good person and what's more, she seemed to make Beatrice happier as well. She was happy for both of them, even if neither seemed to realize their feelings yet.

A movement in the distance started her reverie, snapping her attention back to the window. She could make out Lilith's telltale lithe form quickly loping ground toward the house. She made sure breakfast was ready to be cooked, dropped a couple of ice cubes in the glass of water she just poured, and headed out to meet her. 

She made it outside just before Lilith burst through the treeline that surrounded the property. She opened her mouth to call out a greeting but only managed to get out a surprised squeak when she took in Lilith's form. Steps now slowed and head (thankfully) bowed as she wiped sweat from the back of her neck. Lilith hadn't put her habit back on since she came back, leaving her long (now mostly dark brown again) hair free. Or rather, in a loose ponytail with some strands coming loose to frame her face and others sticking to her forehead and the back of her neck with perspiration. What Camila's eyes were immediately drawn to, however, were her arms. Left bare by her sleeveless shirt, Camila watched the muscles in her biceps briefly tense as she loosened up her shoulders. Granted, she'd seen Lilith in similar attire numerous times during training at Cat's Cradle, but she'd also seen lots of sunsets in her time too and people agreed when she 'oohd' and 'ahhed' over them! 

Luckily, she was able to school her expression into a serene smile just in time for Lilith to look up. The taller girl's stride broke for just a moment as her eyes widened in surprise before her face became her usual affable mask of aloof affability. 

"Good morning Lilith!" Camila chirped. 

"Good morning Camila." Lilith replied slowly, as if not sure why they were having this conversation.

Holding out the prespired covered glass, she said "I figured you'd be thirsty after your run, it's important to keep hydrated after any sort of exercise." 

Nodding, Lilith took the glass and drained half of it in one drink as Camila tried (and failed) to stop her eyes from following a single drop of sweat running from Lilith's brow, to her jaw, down her neck….

"Are the others up yet?" Lilith asked, making Camila snap back to reality. Thankfully, training at Cat's Cradle has included emotional control and though she hadn't been the best student, she was able to respond to Lilith like she hadn't just inappropriately been ogling her friend and fellow nun. 

"They're probably getting up now, I was just about to start cooking breakfast." she replied, turning to follow Lilith who had begun walking back inside.

"I'll join you all after I shower, if Ava the black hole doesn't finish before I get there." Lilith smirked, though Camila noted it had more of a playful tone to it than before. She really had improved her relationship with Ava and the group as a whole and Camila was proud of her.

Laughing lightly, Camila took up her post by the range and grabbed the previously mixed ingredients. "I'll be sure to save some for you, though I don't know how good it'll be with what's left in the cabinets. I would kill for some saffron."

Lilith turned fully toward her, leaning on the wall between the open-plan kitchen and dining room. "Thank you Camila, for the water and for breakfast." She said with a small smile that quirked at the edges. 

Camila positively beamed in response. "Of course! Anytime Lilith." 

The ghost of the smile in place, Lilith nodded before turning to go towards her room.

"Lilith!" Camila called out gently.

"Yes?" Lilith replied, turning around so fast Camila briefly worried about whiplash. 

Pointing toward the object still clutched in Lilith's hand, Camila asked, "Do you want me to wash that glass for you?"

Raising the hand holding the glass, Lilith looked at it in confusion. Clearing her throat and faintly flushing, Lilith nodded before bringing the glass to her, "Yes, of course, sorry I just…"

Camila smiled in understanding, "I get it, we're all still coming down from what happened last week. Plus we've spent pretty much all our time since researching or training or- researching different ways to train! My head's a little bit scrambled too to be honest." Camila elected not to mention the preceding events of their friend and sister-in-arms dying, Lilith herself actually dying(?) then being brought back from hell, and the betrayal of Father Traitor and having to run for their lives. 

Looking thankful for being given an out, Lilith sighed before giving a little strained smile and heading briskly down the hall.

Camila turned back to the stove, melting margarine in the pan before adding the egg mixture. Humming, she silently congratulated herself at seeing Lilith smile twice. Granted, one was a bit more awkward and strained then she would have liked, but progress was progress, no matter how small. She hoped that one day Lilith wouldn't feel the need to suppress her happiness around them and would be comfortable to allow herself to relax more, even if it were only when it was just them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shorter chapter this time, but it sets the stage perfectly for the next one. Added the Avatrice side pairing because they do what they want, I just write them.


	3. Chapter 3

Breakfast was in full swing by the time Lilith came out. Camila was glad that the others were splitting their focus between their plates, greeting Lilith with tired 'good mornings', or each other. (In Ava and Beatrice's case.) Lilith had changed into a plain T-shirt (with sleeves praise be) and pants, similar to the only secular outfits they now all had, courtesy of the outlet store they had hit on the way here. Her still-damp hair was tied into a loose bun at the top of her head, drawing even more attention to her sharp jawline, high cheekbones, strong yet delicate neck….

Mentally shaking herself out of her sudden hyper focus, she stood and went to grab the plate she had set aside for Lilith in the microwave. Plate in hand, she walked back to the round wooden dining table. "Here you go Lilith, it shouldn't have cooled that much, but let me know if you want it warmer." Leaning slightly over Lilith's shoulder she set the plate down, inwardly wincing as she brushed against Lilith's shoulder as she drew back. Outwardly, she calmly walked back to her chair and sat down. She couldn't help but notice how the other girl stiffly exhaled a long, deep breath as she walked away though.  _ I hope I didn't just make her uncomfortable _ Camila worried

"Thank you Camila, I appreciate you saving me some." Lilith said with a small smile. It didn't quirk at the edges like the one she was coming to love, but it was genuine, so she smiled brightly in return.

"Wait until you taste it before giving thanks." Ava joked, despite having just polished off her own plate. "I swear this house has never known a her-- OW, shit!"

"Language." the three avowed nuns intoned.

Still rubbing her leg underneath the table though it must have stopped hurting by now, the halo barer glared at Lilith, who returned the expression.

"Camila took the time to make us all breakfast while you were still snoring away you ungrateful heathen. You will eat it and you will thank her." Lilith threatened. 

"I don't snore!" Ava sputtered indignantly, looking questioningly to Beatrice. Beatrice for her part, began to eat slower and keep her eyes deliberately on her plate. 

Camila laughed lightly at Ava's antics while silently trying to calm down her now staccato heartbeat.  _ She didn't defend you because she likes you idiot, she just did it to rile up Ava.  _ Camila firmly told herself.  _ At most it was a friendly gesture; nothing more.  _ Clearing her throat, she tried to defuse the situation. "It's alright really…" But she went unheard over her squabbling friends.

The loud  _ SLAM!  _ of Mary's coffee mug on the hardwood table drew everyone's attention to her. With an unimpressed glance toward her longtime and new friend she drawled, "Speaking of food, we need to make a grocery run, sooner rather than later. Since you two seem so concerned with this situation, how 'bout one of you go?"

Still feeling partly responsible for not trying to end it sooner, Camila spoke up. "It might not be safe to go alone. I'll go with whoever goes."

"Aw, thanks Camila." Ava smiled. "I don't mind-"

"I'll go." Lilith cut in. There was a beat of silence during which Lilith seemed to realize everyone was staring at her. Camila chalked up the slight flush on her cheeks to being the sudden center of attention. "What? I just don't want assorted junk food and sweets to be the only things in the kitchen cupboards." she snapped defensively. 

Ava just snorted, "Well maybe I don't want 'nutritionally balanced meals' that taste like cardboard!"

Before they could get into it again, Beatrice interrupted with, "Ava, you can help me set up the security cameras Camila programmed around the property while they go shopping."

Visibly brightening at the prospect of spending time with her obviously favorite member of the group, Ava let the burgeoning argument go with a smile and a cheery "Sure!"

Nodding, Mary started to say, "And I'll --"

"Continue resting with minimal physical movement." Beatrice finished with a pointed look in her direction. 

"Yeah but I can still --" Mary tried

"Mary please." Camila said, putting a hand on the arm of the peeved girl sitting next to her. "We're just concerned about your health, the way you would be for any of us."

Likely sensing further protest, Lilith added, "Plus the sooner you fully heal the sooner I can get back to showing you why combat practice is necessary." She finished with a small smile to make her words more teasing than actual rebuke.

"Fine." Mary sighed in resignation, not looking happy about it.

There was a lull in the conversation then, broke by Ava who jumped up and said, “I’ll do the dishes.” and started clearing the table with help from Beatrice.

Camila smiled, amused at Ava’s apparent joy in the simplest of tasks. Only to frown when she realized that even everyday things like washing the dishes would seem novel to Ava after the life she led wouldn’t they? She resolved to try and get something sweet for her new friend while she was out.

Turning to Lilith, she said, "I'm going to get changed into more...street appropriate clothing, meet you out front?"

At Lilith's wordless nod, she went to her room. Not wanting to keep her waiting long, Camila quickly switched out her religious garb for a simple white off the shoulder top paired with grey slacks. After a moment's hesitation, Camila stored her habit with the rest of her clothes, unsure when she would be able to wear them again. There was also a smaller, vainer part of herself that worried about her friends reaction to her hair. Unlike the others, she hadn't had her hair uncovered in a casual (as casual as being on the run can be) setting since before coming to Cat's Cradle. Sure, some of her fellow sister warriors had seen her head uncovered during her morning routine or before bed showers, but none the current group had. And her hair was an unruly bunch of curls on the best of days. After months of having nothing done to them except being pulled back and pressed down...well she does believe in miracles, just not when it comes to her hair. She wrangles her curls into an asymmetrical side part and takes a moment to stare at the woman in the mirror. Casual clothes, hair almost down to shoulders, surprisingly relaxed expression -- she didn't think she'd see this girl ever again. 

Taking a deep breath, she headed out to meet Lilith by the van outside. Just as she was marveling at the feeling of her hair brushing against her face and ears as she walked, she heard Mary's low voice call, "Well look at you girl with the curl, lookin' all cool and casual."

She smiled shyly, unused to receiving compliments on her appearance. Mary's expression softened, seeming to know exactly what she was thinking. "You look good girl, the townies won't know what hit 'em." Before the flush she could feel creeping up her neck could completely take over, Mary mercifully sat back and gestured at the door. "Go and get something to eat that isn't more depressing than our situation. It's rude to keep a lady waiting." 

Camila chose not to dwell on Mary's final comment, sure that the slightly suggestive tone was all in her head. With a final wave, she headed out the door and walked down the driveway where she could see Lilith facing away from her by the van. They had scrapped off the majority of any advertising for ‘Pino’s Trattoria’ and she and Mary had switched the license plate before leaving Italy. It wasn’t pretty, but better people see a van in need of a paint job than a van that’d been reported stolen. 

Seeing that Lilith was already leaning on the drivers side, she called out a greeting as she climbed into the passengers’ side. Closing the door once she was seated, she realized that Lilith had not entered the car like she’d assumed she would. Craning her neck to look out the window, she saw Lilith standing stock still, staring at the space she had been occupying before getting in the car. 

Confusion quickly gave way to worry. Had they been tracked? But after looking carefully in the direction Lilith was facing, she could see nothing out of the ordinary. Her worry incrementally increased, was there some sort of danger that only Lilith could see? "Lilith…?" She softly questioned.

Whatever trance Lilith had been in seemed to be broken then as she snapped back to attention, eyes wider than she'd ever seen. "Yes, sorry I -- I just -- I didn't know…" she took a deep breath and Camila watched as the mask somewhat slipped into place. "I apologise for worrying you, I thought I saw something but it was merely a...large rabbit." she finished lamely.

"Okay…" Camila trailed off, not used to seeing Lilith so off kilter. Before she could question her further, Lilith got behind the wheel, closing the car door with more force than strictly necessary.

Without a word or glance in her direction, Lilith started the car and drove off. After they had turned onto an actual paved road from the bumpy dirt road that led from the house, Lilith spoke. "I've never seen your hair down before. It looks...nice"

"Oh!" Camila squeaked, very much  _ not _ expecting that statement. Panicking over her own shock at Lilith's words and her entirely inappropriate desire to compliment her more thoroughly in return, all Camilla could follow that up with was a high-pitched, "Thanks." Lilith nodded without taking her eyes off the road, and that was the end of conversation until they arrived at the closest village.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shout out to the WN discord, for telling me that Lilith can never be too much of a gay mess. Because boy did I ever take that and run with it.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Content Warning: They're just...so soft you guys. Like, baby duckling dipped in fabric softener soft. Enjoy.

The village was small, mostly family-owned shops with a few market stalls dotted sporadically around the streets. The grocery store they went to was one of the largest shops on the street. Camila was delighted to see a handful of stalls stationed outside the supermarket selling fresh bread, dairy products, fruits, vegetables, and even one with herbs and spices!

Noting where her attention had gone, Lilith said, "Let's stick to the list for now, and see if we have enough money left over to buy a few things from the stalls."

Camila nodded in agreement and together they went into the grocery store. Using a 'divide and conquer' strategy, they made short work of their list and met up at the check-out counter. 

Camila noticed some items on their list that were not contained in Lilith's basket. In response to her questioning look, Lilith explained, "We should have enough left over to buy a couple loaves of fresh bread and a few spices from the stalls out front." 

The poor paper list she was holding quickly crumpled as Camila raised her fists in quiet triumph and let out a tiny squee of joy. A joy that only increased as Lilith smiled  _ that _ smile, the one that twitched at the corners like she was trying to hide some greater joy of her own. 

A pointed cough from the cashier let them know they were next, Camila and Lilith busing themselves with giving their items to be charged while trying to avoid the cashier's strangely amused grin. They gathered their paper bags filled with provisions and walked away.

As they stepped outside, Camila excitedly bounced over to the herbs and spices stall. Only to look back sheepishly when she heard a wry, "I guess I'll get the bread then."

Grateful for French being one of the four languages she spoke, she asked the vendor how much the spices were as she pointed to each one. Wincing at the hefty prices of some of the indicated items, she bought most of what she wanted to. Though she couldn't help one last, doleful look at the saffron as she walked away. Which turned out to be a bad idea as she almost collided with Lilith, who grabbed her by the arms before that could happen.

Giving her an amused look from behind assorted loaves of bread, she made sure Camila was steady on her feet before stepping back. "Did the herbs wrong you in some way? Do you want me to beat up the cayenne pepper for being too spicy?" Lilith quipped. Any bad mood Camila had was lifted by the sight of Lilith once again smiling her crooked corners smile. 

Camila laughed as they walked back to the car. "No violence is needed, but maybe you could give the saffron a stern talking to about being less expensive." She joked back, enjoying the playful mood. 

They bantered back and forth the entire way back to the van. The jokes tapered off as Lilith opened the back, though the jovial mood persisted, much to Camila’s delight. Just as they were almost finished packing up the van with their spoils, Lilith cleared her throat, saying, "I have to go back, the vendor at the bread stall gave me the incorrect change." 

Wondering at the abrupt change in topic and seeing Lilith’s oddly rigid posture, Camila just smiled and said, "Every cent counts, I'll finish up here." Lilith looked relieved and turned to head back from where they came. 

After closing the trunk, Camila hopped in the driver's seat to patiently wait for Lilith. That lasted for all of two minutes until she started fidgeting with boredom. Figuring snooping in the glove compartment couldn't be any worse than stealing the vehicle, she leaned over to just that.  _ Let's see...various road maps, questionable mints, Aviator sunglasses...CDs!? _ She grabbed the vinyl booklet, flipping through the multiple discs labeled -- with names? She took out one at random and read the marker writing,  _ Elena _ . She turned it over, not seeing any other writing or markings. Shrugging and mindful of the busted radio, she popped it in. Raising her brows at the shrill alarm clock sound that came from the dusty speakers, she grinned as she placed the song.

_ Sun is shinin' in the sky _

_ There ain't a cloud in sight _

_ It's stopped rainin' everybody's in the play _

_ And don't you know _

_ It's a beautiful new day, hey hey _

She continued to hum along to Mr. Blue Sky until she saw Lilith approaching from the rearview mirror. 

Lilith paused halfway through getting into the van, looking at the radio with surprise. “You got the radio working?” she asked, sitting down and closing the door behind her. 

Camila held up the CD album cheerfully. Putting it in the console, she asked, “Did you get the right amount?”

“What?” Lilith asked, putting on her seatbelt.

“Did you get the right amount of change?” she specified.

“Oh. Yes, I got what I needed.” Lilith replied, voice carefully measured. 

Seeing that was all the explanation she was going to get, she put the van in gear and drove off. The drive back felt more relaxed than before, and soon Camila was humming and bobbing her head along to the music. As the more trafficked highway gave way to a quieter road, her humming gave way to full on singing. 

“The sailors say, ‘Brandy, you’re a fine girl’  _ You’re a fine girl  _ She looked at Lilith from the corner of her eye, only to find the other girl already looking at her. __

_ “ _ What a good wife you would be.”  _ Such a fine girl.  _ She almost stopped singing entirely when she saw Lilith had on her favorite smile and her eyes were soft; Camila had never seen such a gentle look on her friend before.

She felt her own lips curve upward as she belted out the last line of the chorus. “Yeah your eyes could steal a sailor from the sea.”

They were on the run from a former friend, what definitely wasn’t an angel, and the church itself. But somehow, sitting in a shabby stolen van with Lilith, feeling the breeze through her hair and singing her heart out, she felt lighter than she had in years.

X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-

They had been greeted by a friendly hello (Beatrice), an enthusiastic smile (Ava, whose smile was directed solely at the packages they carried) And a half-hearted grumble (Mary, who was not happy at being told to sit down while they put things away.) 

“Yes! Spices! Guess I wasn’t the only one feeling bland huh Camila?” Ava said with a grin thrown her way. 

Camila laughed as she stored the milk and juice in the fridge. “Well I certainly hope to prove that not all food made by nuns lack flavor.” 

Mary snorted from her place at the kitchen table as Ava joined in on her laughter. “That’s not exactly a high bar to pass, but I appreciate it anyways. I very much look forward to having a dish laden with-” Ava held up a small satchel of herbs to read the label. “-saffron.” she squinted, murmuring to herself, “What the hell is saffron.”

Beatrice’s small “Language.” went unnoticed as Camila whirled around in surprise, quickly striding over to look at the satchel Ava was still looking at.  _ Saffron _ she read silently, having to double check her own vision. “I don’t understand.” she said, only realizing she had spoken aloud when the room around her went quiet.

“You don’t know what it is either? But didn’t you buy it?” Ava asked, perplexed. Mary and Beatrice were looking at her oddly and Lilith had gone very still. 

“I was going to but it was too expensive…” she trailed off looking at Lilith.

Lilith, meanwhile, muttered a low, “I’ll get the rest from the van.” and tried to leave, only to be blocked by Mary who evidently felt the need to stretch her legs directly in front of Lilith’s path. __

Wanting, no,  _ needing _ to know Camila asked, “Lilith did you…?” she trailed off, not completely sure how to verbalize her query. 

Huffing at Mary and not meeting her eyes, Lilith said, “The man who runs the herbs and spices stall was charging exorbitant prices for dried spices! You probably weren’t the first he swindled but I made sure you’d be the last.” There was a beat where no one spoke and Lilith slowly looked at her, eyes softening a little. “And...I know you wanted saffron. I figured it was a good idea to keep the person responsible for all our tech happy.” she spoke the last part in a rush, as if the first half of her sentence had been spoken without much conscious thought.

For a moment Camila could only stare at her. Then, all of her emotions seemed to fill her at once as she slowly smiled a brilliant, beaming grin. Unable to stop herself, she rushed to Lilith in a few quick steps, throwing her arms around her. “Thank you Lilith! You didn’t have to do that and I know it might seem small to you but I really needed a little extra sunshine with everything that going on and I-- and I--” Still overcome with emotion (or at least that’s what she’ll tell herself later) she leaned up on her tiptoes and a laid a brief, happy peck on Lilith’s cheek. 

Stepping back she didn’t register the others’ stunned looks, nor how Lilith seemed frozen, jaw slack and arms still held outward from her waist. “Thank you so much Lilith! Don’t worry about the rest of the bags, I’ll get them.” She all but skipped out of the room and it wasn’t until she walked outside that the last few minutes caught up with her. 

Then it was her turn to be frozen, suddenly very glad she was outside and away from her friends.  _ Did I really just--?  _ She leaned heavily on the car, feeling faint. She thought about the months of friendship with Lilith, how it was only a few weeks ago she saw Lilith truly smile for the first time. Had she just undone all that?  _ I hope I didn't make her uncomfortable _ .  _ Oh Lord _ , she prayed,  _ please let us still be okay after my foolish loss of self-control _ . 

But even as she asked for forgiveness couldn't help but hear that little voice in the back of her mind, whispering how nice it felt to hold Lilith, how good she smelled (Incense and pine), and how soft her deceptively sharp cheekbones had felt beneath her lips.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We've got a long one, mostly because I didn't feel like I should break this up due in part to the POV switch. Enjoy.

Lilith felt like she was having a stroke. She was only slightly aware of the front door closing behind Camila, the dull thud reverberating through her skull. Her synapses were firing a mile a minute and yet she still couldn’t move or form any thought that wasn’t about the girl who’d just left. Taking a deep breath and doing the mental centering exercises that Mother had taught her, she quickly became aware once more. 

A brief sweep of the room confirmed what she had already suspected; Beatrice was the only friend she had that remotely cared about her dignity. The fellow Brit was very carefully putting away the rest of the dry goods, face a mask of neutrality that was too forced to be genuine, though Lilith appreciated the effort. The same could  _ not _ be said for the other two ingrates she was now living with, however.

Ava was leaning much too casually against the counter wearing a shit-eating grin that Lilith would love to wipe off her face. As grievous a sin as attempted-murder was, Lilith felt that Ava was milking Lilith’s guilt a little too much and sometimes felt she had traded in the fiery depths for an entirely different brand of punishment.  _ Not that i don’t deserve it _ Lilith thought before turning to face Mary.

Mary’s reaction, while not as over-the-top as Ava’s, was somehow much more damning. Her longtime friend was flicking through a magazine that she had produced out of seemingly nowhere, feet now stretched out on the chair next to her.  _ Instead of directly in my path _ Lilith thought bitterly. She looked up with an infuriating little smile, raised a perfectly sculpted brow and said, “I could really go for some macaroons, gonna brow-beat some poor shop-keep for me too?”

Lilith tried her best to not react as she clenched her jaw and tried to will away the blush she could feel rising over her cheeks. An endeavor made more difficult by the sound of Ava’s barked laugh and Beatrice’s snort turned into a polite cough. “I’m going for a run.” she muttered through still clenched teeth. With that, she promptly walked to the back door (lest she run into the source of all this) and took off into the forest.

Running has always calmed Lilith. Swimming, weapons drills, any kind of training really. It allowed her to focus her mind on her body’s movements and let the rest of the world fade away. No one told her she had to be better or what the rest of her life would entail when she did these things. As long as she was working toward their goals, she would be left well enough alone. Well, they were Lilith’s goals as well, she supposed. Granted she doesn’t remember actually choosing them, but she most likely would’ve. Her family just gave her a head start. 

Lilith ran harder as the familiar excuses turned sour in her mind. All her life she’d been told what she was to be. Her parents spoke of her becoming Halo Bearer as if it were an inevitability. Anything she ever was, or could’ve been was discouraged if it didn’t contribute to that. Friends were nonexistent, hobbies were discarded unless they could be turned into a useful skill,and even tutors were cast aside if she got too attached.  _ And for what? _ Lilith thought angrily. A halo in possession of an entirely unprepared yet much more worthy individual, dead sisters, grievous sins almost committed willingly by her hand, the broken trust of the real friends she did have, being dragged to a place she both fear and hated only to be spat back out a monster, and a girl who would  _ never _ even look at her the way she --

Lilith drew to a stop, leaning on a tree as she realized she was breathing heavily.  _ Camila…  _ Lilith though dejectedly. 

When she was little, silent prayer and contemplation had been one of the only unstructured activities that was allowed. Lilith would often climb to the highest point of her family’s property, a large hill near the boundary point of where their land ended. It had been mostly forgotten with time, the foliage left to grow wild and unkempt. Tall trees grown close together created a canopy that was hard to pierce by both rain and sun. The area around it had countless tangles of ivy, wildflowers that were probably weeds, and various thorn-bearing plants. It was her favorite place in all the world. Because if you made it past all that, in the middle was a little glade, where the trees weren’t as tightly packed and flowers that smelled sweet and didn’t prick you when they were picked up. 

On that hilltop glade, surrounded by colors and greenery with the sun beaming down on her, she felt the closest to herself and to God than any amount of time in Church had done for her. Camila reminded her of that place, or rather, made her feel that similar sense of peace and warmth (among other things.) 

Lilith remembered the day Camila first came to Cat's Cradle. Wide-eyed and smiling, she hadn't thought much of the new recruit. Still embittered by 'losing' the halo and alienating her friends, she regrettably had a less than stellar first interaction with the younger girl.

X+X+X+X+X+X+X+X+X+X+X+X+X+X+X+X+X+X+X+X+X+X+X+X+X+X+X+X+X+X+X+X+X+X+X+X+X+X+X+X+X+X+X+X+X+X+X+X+X+X+X+X+X+X+X+X+

Lilith took a hollow sort of satisfaction from the sound of her third opponent this afternoon hitting the training mats in defeat. Today was one of her darker days, and between stilted conversation with Beatrice and chafing under (admittedly sensible) orders from Shannon, she was not in a forgiving mood. Mary failing to show up for combat practice for the umpteenth time this week just compounded on top of it all. Lilith and Mary used to be able to get past this quickly. A dry tease there, an affectionate punch here and they were okay again. Now Lilith silently seethed as she stretched, wondering why Shannon and Mary couldn't canoodle on their own time.

If Lilith was being honest with herself, she'd admit she didn't really take issue with them. They all led dangerous lives, and despite everything she did love her friends and wouldn't begrudge them this happiness. Turning to a training dummy, she began exercising her frustration. Her parents had not been happy when they heard the news, just barely placated by Mother Superion’s extolling of her virtues and the promise of next in line. Lilith had made the mistake of defending Shannon when her parents casually told her to ready herself, as the halo surely wouldn’t last long in the hands of someone with less experience than herself. Lilith hadn’t had contact with her family since then.

Hitting the training dummy harder, Lilith allowed darker thoughts to seep into her mind. Shannon got the halo, Shannon had the open and easy camaraderie of her fellow sisters, Shannon was still close with their friends, Shannon had someone to come home to after a mission. Someone who would still care for her even if she was wrong; who she was allowed to hold and still stayed despite seeing the ugly parts of her. 

With a growl, Lilith landed a powerful haymaker on the training dummy, producing a loud crack from the abused wood. Lilith took a breath and tried to center herself. Coveting was a sin, especially when she knew she was not worthy of such things.

“Excuse me?” a lilting voice inquired from behind her.

Lilith turned around slowly, both agitated and surprised. She’d thought most of the sisters knew to steer clear of her when she was like this. It was the new recruit. The girl was slight, with a face matching her voice; pleasant and sweet. And for some reason she was smiling at Lilith of all things. 

Not bothering to change her peeved expression, Lilith barked out a sharp “Yes?”

But the new girl seemed unperturbed, simply sticking out a hand in greeting and saying, “My name’s Camilla. You are Lilith, right? It's nice to meet you.”

Not in the mood for pleasantries or some green sister who sought to curry favor with the legacy, Lilith ignored the proffered hand and replied, “I’m rather busy training at the moment so--”

“Yes, that’s why I’m here. I was wondering if you wanted to spar?” The girl-- Camila asked, putting her hands behind her back in an ‘at ease’ position and, for some unfathomable reason, still smiling.

Some of the nearby sisters who weren’t busy with their own training paused, glancing over to the pair with poorly hidden alarm. Lilith furrowed her brows, giving Camila’s small frame a once-over. She didn’t look mentally deficient or particularly stupid. Normally, Lilith would either claim she had other duties to attend to or spar to a quick and painless defeat. But Lilith hadn’t felt ‘normal’ for a while now, and the new girl needed to know that the mission was not a game to smile over. With a dark smirk, she spoke. “Fine.”, and moved to take her place on the mats. 

The girl quickly got into position across from her and bowed. No sooner had she risen then Lilith was on her, aiming for a low kick that was just barely blocked. Lilith then went for a left hook with much the same result. Camila was surprisingly good, better than her stature and sunny disposition would indicate. Lilith could feel rather than see the eyes on her; always under scrutiny. Gritting her teeth, Lilith executed a technically honorable thought probably not necessary move. 

Using her size to her advantage, Lilith feinted right only to sweep her legs out from under her opponent. As she attempted to right herself, Lilith pivoted off her still outstretched leg to quickly grab Camila in a body lock. Slightly impressed yet unrelenting when Camila continued to struggle, Lilith let go as soon as she felt the smaller girl tap out. 

Lilith stood up and almost immediately felt her previous anger bleed away as she watched Camila struggle to regain her breath, shakily rising from the mats. Her smile was gone as she gave the customary bow to Lilith which she nearly forgot to return. 

Lilith felt a sinking feeling in her gut and she watched the new girl turn away and went out of the room. What was wrong with her? The girl had just got here and probably knew nothing of Lilith or her various issues, it was not fair to take it out on her. 

Before she even consciously thought of doing so, Lilith's feet were moving in the direction Camila had gone. Which maybe wasn't the best thing because as she caught sight of the girl walking down a narrow hallway and called out "Camila!" Lilith had no idea what to follow it up with. 

The girl in question turned around with a polite smile on her face, nothing like the one from earlier and Lilith felt a small stab of shame as Camila politely asked, “Yes, Sister Lilith?”

Lilith opened her mouth to reply only to close it upon realizing she wasn’t even sure why she was standing here right now. Seconds ticked by as the sister’s polite expression began to turn confused. Right. Words. “You fight well.” she finally got out.

Camila’s mouth thinned as she looked to the ground with a muttered, “Not that well it seems…”

“No, you do.” Lilith insisted, surprising both of them with her emphaticness. “You’re quick and hold your own. You could've even won if I wasn't taller and such an--” Lilith cut herself off before she called herself something that shouldn’t be spoken aloud in a place of worship. Seeing Camila’s surprised expression, Lilith steeled herself and ground out, “I...apologize for my actions earlier, they were unworthy of me. I just…” Lilith trailed off, knowing Camila didn’t need to hear her personal issues. But still feeling like an explanation was owed, Lilith finished with, “...I’ve just had many clouded thoughts lately, but that is no excuse. Please, do not mind me.”

For a solid few seconds, there was only silence as Camila looked at Lilith with raised brows. Lilith just stared, wondering if she should just leave. Surely that couldn’t be any worse than the terrible first impression she just made? Just as she was preparing turn turn though, Lilith watched as a slow but beaming smile spread across Camila’s face. Her eyes lit up and Lilith idly wondered if Camilia had gotten in a hit to her chest during their spar as the shorter girl grinned up at her.

Lilith was very glad when Camila moved away first, still smiling that sunny smile as she took steps backwards. Just before she turned around, Camila left her with the parting words of, “Thank you Lilith! No hard feelings of course. I look forward to never minding you again!” All of this was said in the same cheerful inflection as though she were remarking on the beautiful day.

Watching Camila’s back get farther away from her, Lilith thought that she should feel mildly insulted. But any further thoughts on the matter were quashed by the odd lightness growing in her chest and the smile she couldn't completely stop her lips from forming. 

X+X+X+X+X+X+X+X+X+X+X+X+X+X+X+X+X+X+X+X+X+X+X+X+X+

Shaking her head to clear the memory, Lilith started back toward the house at a more sedate pace. Rubbing a hand on her cheek, Lilith resolved to carry on as she had before. She and Camila were in a good place despite all that had happened.  _ Camila is kinder than either I or the world deserves _ Lilith thought not for the first time.  _ I’m not about to ruin that with emotions that I will surely get over in time. _

Lilith repeated this in her head like a mantra, trying not to linger on how badly she wanted to hold Camila in her arms, to breathe in her scent (thistle and rosin), and how Lilith had briefly closed her eyes at the combined sensation of of barely-there lips on her cheek and coiled hair brushing against her face. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The discord made me do it.


End file.
